Voices in My Head
Time has flown by since I had my "breakdown". I did quit the job and have escaped the nest of pit vipers. I don't think I've had time to miss it. A week of packing, four and a half days of driving a 16 foot moving van trailering Barbie (the Malibu), a week of sort of unpacking, five days in Des Moines for Cassidy's rodeo and a roomie from the past and getting the house and yard ready for Matt's family.
I've agreed with my healer (who channels my mother from the Other Side) to take 3-6 months for healing. My focus has been reveling in the joy of not supervising people. And trying not to feel useless as an unemployed, overweight and out of shape former ranch girl.
Messages from so many people - "be gentle"; "do what makes you happy"; "don't be too rigid"; "be flexible"; "heal to store your energy for December"; "quit distracting yourself from learning who you are supposed to be by doing things". Voices in my head. Voices from my family (living and otherwise). Conflicting voices. Caring voices. Resistance to change. Clutching white knuckled to a past that is fading from the present. The loud dictatorial Judging voice. The nagging Worrier - making a burden or easing a burden. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Too many entities have made a nest in the tangles of my brain.
Who am I? Who do I want to be? What defines me? Why is my self image at odds with other's views? Will I figure it out? Why do I want help from my spirit guides, but don't listen to them? When will I learn? Why am I so stubborn? So distracted? So everything?
Patience, grasshopper. Put one foot in front of the other. Listen not to the cacophony in your brain, but the quiet solitude of your heart.
And if that doesn't work, I'm certain that some spiritual being of the universe will thump me upside the head with a 2 x 4.
I've agreed with my healer (who channels my mother from the Other Side) to take 3-6 months for healing. My focus has been reveling in the joy of not supervising people. And trying not to feel useless as an unemployed, overweight and out of shape former ranch girl.
Messages from so many people - "be gentle"; "do what makes you happy"; "don't be too rigid"; "be flexible"; "heal to store your energy for December"; "quit distracting yourself from learning who you are supposed to be by doing things". Voices in my head. Voices from my family (living and otherwise). Conflicting voices. Caring voices. Resistance to change. Clutching white knuckled to a past that is fading from the present. The loud dictatorial Judging voice. The nagging Worrier - making a burden or easing a burden. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Too many entities have made a nest in the tangles of my brain.
Who am I? Who do I want to be? What defines me? Why is my self image at odds with other's views? Will I figure it out? Why do I want help from my spirit guides, but don't listen to them? When will I learn? Why am I so stubborn? So distracted? So everything?
Patience, grasshopper. Put one foot in front of the other. Listen not to the cacophony in your brain, but the quiet solitude of your heart.
And if that doesn't work, I'm certain that some spiritual being of the universe will thump me upside the head with a 2 x 4.
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