Finding My Place in the Tribe
Going home (or perhaps-coming home) can be a mixture of emotions that don't always behave properly. Especially if, when you left three decades ago, believing you would only return to visit. At 19 I wanted to see the world. And taste it, smell it, feel it and revel in the joy of being free of the odium of family.
As the years flit past, time has softened the desperate need to escape and brought a longing to the heart. The path leads homeward. The future as much in question as it was all those years ago. A return for healing. The recapture the senses of that world I thought I would never miss.
My mission this time is to reconnect with myself and that which I left. To breathe the fresh air, bask in the blue skies, savor the seasons. Reinvent myself perhaps. A self with a vision and a purpose. A self who no longer needs to hide in the shell of a pain filled body. A self who is kind to all (self included).
I'd like to nourish mind, body and spirit. Be strong enough to resist the temptations of the tongue. To stretch the imprisoned muscles and sinew to release my inner warrior goddess. To harness the dynamic thoughts that whirlwind through my dreams.
The challenge lies in not becoming so busy the purpose is lost, nor so idle the momentum is lost. My proverbial wall is determining why I let the food, the lethargy, the mental chaos impede the forward progress. Back on soda. Snacking at night. Forgetting breakfast. Swallowing the guilt and letting it fester. Whipping up a nice batch of excuses that are plausible to everyone but my inner soul. The castigation.
The head knows what to do. The mind envisions it. The tongue destroys it. But as they say, the first step is admitting it.
As the years flit past, time has softened the desperate need to escape and brought a longing to the heart. The path leads homeward. The future as much in question as it was all those years ago. A return for healing. The recapture the senses of that world I thought I would never miss.
My mission this time is to reconnect with myself and that which I left. To breathe the fresh air, bask in the blue skies, savor the seasons. Reinvent myself perhaps. A self with a vision and a purpose. A self who no longer needs to hide in the shell of a pain filled body. A self who is kind to all (self included).
I'd like to nourish mind, body and spirit. Be strong enough to resist the temptations of the tongue. To stretch the imprisoned muscles and sinew to release my inner warrior goddess. To harness the dynamic thoughts that whirlwind through my dreams.
The challenge lies in not becoming so busy the purpose is lost, nor so idle the momentum is lost. My proverbial wall is determining why I let the food, the lethargy, the mental chaos impede the forward progress. Back on soda. Snacking at night. Forgetting breakfast. Swallowing the guilt and letting it fester. Whipping up a nice batch of excuses that are plausible to everyone but my inner soul. The castigation.
The head knows what to do. The mind envisions it. The tongue destroys it. But as they say, the first step is admitting it.
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